New year, same wish.

With everyone talking about the new year and making resolutions, I thought I might refresh my resolutions.  They seem the same for me every year.  I want what everyone wants - to be happy.  I am forever searching for happiness but not only for me for all I know and love.  Like in the movie the Pursuit of Happiness.  I am pursuing happiness.  My favorite part of that movie has to be when Will Smith locks himself and his son in the public bathroom overnight to sleep and people are knocking on the door.  The ultimate good parent.  My heart breaks for him.  It reminds me of the night of the storm huddled together in my bed crying, praying for our safety.   
What drives you?  What drives me?  Certainly Joe drives me.  I truly believe he was put here for a reason - to motivate me to make changes.  But before Joe was given to me, I received the gift of James.  James came into the world as a surprise, not his birth but his sex.  We all thought James would be a girl.  Caroline Nora he was to be.  Shocker - such a shock that he remained in the hospital as simply baby boy dougherty for days.  Then it came to me that he should be named James, after all the wonderful James I had met.  A dear high school friend who had passed exactly one year before James' birth, my grandfather and of course my father-in-law.  I will not be surprised if James fills their shoes during his lifetime.  He shows so much promise. 
But an even bigger surprise when 3 months later I was told I was receiving a gift - another child.  I cried, oh how I cried.  I remember the nurse at my ob/gyn's office telling me "don't cry - every baby is a gift from God".  I didn't want to hear it at that time, but now I know she was right.  As much as Joe was a gift, he is a challenge, teaching us all something about love, patience, tolerance and understanding.  I often hear what a great mom I am or what a good job Im doing, but I have to give credit to my son James.  It certainly cant be easy to be the sibling of a child such as Joe.  But James does it and does it well.  He has been a role model, a supporter, tutor and sometimes even a whipping boy for Joe.  While Joe idolizes him, it must be sometimes frustrating for the typical child to live this life.  As 2013 comes in I long for the day when my boys will be independent and happy. 
2012 has shown so much growth for James.  With the passing of his grandfather and a horrible storm, he has been an amazing support system for me and his brother.  James faces challenges head on.  I pray he continues to make good choices.  He has grown up overnight and I couldn't be happier with him.  He is complex and serious yet willing to act silly with Joe to keep him happy.  They have this silly ritual every morning when they get up and eat breakfast together.   Joe turns to James and says "good morning sleepyhead" and James grunts.  All the while with a smile on his face loving every minute of his brother's special way.  I will treasure memories like that for life knowing that yeah I am doing a good job, the best job I can do with a great support system. 
Happy new year friends and supporters.